Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
