I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
