I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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