ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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