Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
