RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
