in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
