Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
