why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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