Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
