what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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