I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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