I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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