Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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