I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
