You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
