Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
