Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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