I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize