I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The air was thick with penises
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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