I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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