i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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