sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
