This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
