Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
