until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
