i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
