Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
