This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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