hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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