Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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