i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
