I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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