Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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