And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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