i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
