Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
