Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize