I wish you could order shots online.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
