do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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