My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
