Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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