4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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