mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
