I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
