thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
