I am midnight drunk by noon
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
