is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
