I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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