I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
