Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
