So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
