TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
