I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
