one word: firstdatebathroomanal
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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