Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im part way to drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
