Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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