He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
