i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
