Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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