My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
