i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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