This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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