Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
