dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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