Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
why is half of my head shaved?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
