tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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