Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
