Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
