Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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