we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
