how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
