I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
