the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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