ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
