Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
