planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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