why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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