Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
