and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
