He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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