That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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