Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
