He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
