They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
