seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
