I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
