i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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