I wish i was in the wii world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
