he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
